The fear of losing can keep us from even trying in the first place. For me, this is never more evident than in friendships.
I am naturally an introvert. Now, I love having people over, but I feel exhausted afterwards. In one particular church, I would venture out of my shell to connect with someone, and they would leave. It hurt a lot. And I did not like the feeling of loss.
So I ventured out of my shell less and less.
I let the fear of losing rule my friendships. When I first got to college, I hesitated to put myself out there and really put an effort into my friendships because I knew I would loose them all in four years or less. So what was the point? I asked myself.
- We are not meant to be alone. God designed us for fellowship with others. Even if you are an introvert like me, you still need the company of friends. We need people to bounce ideas off of or to vent to about the car who cut us off in traffic.
- We need someone with whom we can share our joys and sorrows. I know when I have good news, the first thing I want to do is call my family and friends. The joy is all the stronger for the sharing. And when grief hits, having a shoulder to lean on takes a little of the weight off our shoulders.
- We need someone with whom we can share our struggles. Blogger Lauren English wrote a wonderful article on this topic. She states that when we can’t share our deepest struggles and fears with those closest to us, we turn to other outlets, such as alcohol, food, shopping, etc. But when we do share, we find greater intimacy in our relationships and will find the support and encouragement we need to see the truth in our situation.
My husband’s job will likely require us to move every 3-5 years. I struggled with this so badly. I kept thinking, “By the time I put down any roots, I’ll be pulled up and have to start all over. Should I even try?” Thankfully, through a lot of encouragement from my husband and mother, I chose to not let the fear of losing win. I chose to try.
Because I didn’t shut myself off, I found great friends with whom I love to spend time and share my life. I’m not going to lie and say looking into the future when one or many of us will leave isn’t hard. I know when that happens our friendship will change, but I’m not going to let that spoil what we have now.
Let your voice be heard:
Are there any areas in which you’ve let the fear of losing win? How have you fought against the fear of losing (fill in the blank–friends, jobs, houses, social or leadership positions)? Are you in a situation where you have to move a lot? How do you handle it?