3 Reasons to Not Let the Fear of Losing Win

The fear of losing can keep us from even trying in the first place. For me, this is never more evident than in friendships.

3 Reasons Not to Let Fear of Losing WinI am naturally an introvert. Now, I love having people over, but I feel exhausted afterwards.Β In one particular church, I would venture out of my shell to connect with someone, and they would leave.Β It hurt a lot. And I did not like the feeling of loss.

So I ventured out of my shell less and less.

I let the fear of losing rule my friendships. When I first got to college, I hesitated to put myself out there and really put an effort into my friendships because I knew I would loose them all in four years or less. So what was the point? I asked myself.

Well, today I’m here to tell you there is a point. Three in fact.Β 3 Reasons to Not Let the Fear of Losing Win

  1. We are not meant to be alone. God designed us for fellowship with others. Even if you are an introvert like me, you still need the company of friends. We need people to bounce ideas off of or to vent to about the car who cut us off in traffic.
  2. We need someone with whom we can share our joys and sorrows. I know when I have good news, the first thing I want to do is call my family and friends. The joy is all the stronger for the sharing. And when grief hits, having a shoulder to lean on takes a little of the weight off our shoulders.
  3. We need someone with whom we can share our struggles. Blogger Lauren English wrote a wonderful article on this topic. She states that when weΒ can’t share our deepest struggles and fears with those closest to us, we turn to other outlets, such as alcohol, food, shopping, etc. But when we do share, we find greater intimacy in our relationships and will find the support and encouragement we need to see the truth in our situation.

My husband’s job will likely require us to move every 3-5 years. I struggled with this so badly. I kept thinking, “By the time I put down any roots, I’ll be pulled up and have to start all over. Should I even try?” Thankfully, through a lot of encouragement from my husband and mother, I chose to not let the fear of losing win. I chose to try.

3 Reasons Not to Let Fear of Losing Win

The awesome girls from my small group πŸ™‚

Because I didn’t shut myself off, I found great friends with whom I love to spend time and share my life. I’m not going to lie and say looking into the future when one or many of us will leave isn’t hard. I know when that happens our friendship will change, but I’m not going to let that spoil what we have now.

Let your voice be heard:

Are there any areas in which you’ve let the fear of losing win? How have you fought against the fear of losing (fill in the blank–friends, jobs, houses, social or leadership positions)? Are you in a situation where you have to move a lot? How do you handle it?Β 

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By | 2015-09-08T09:46:31+00:00 September 8th, 2015|Encouragement, Relationships|44 Comments

About the Author:

I'm a tea-sipping, adventure-seeking, pug-loving kind of girl. I'm crazy for God and want to share his love with awesome girls around the globe.

44 Comments

  1. dawnlizjones September 17, 2015 at 6:37 pm - Reply

    YEA! so glad I found you! Moved here from Bloomington when my husband graduated from IU (okay, I’m from Purdue, but somehow it’s worked for 36 years….), LOVE hot tea, and the Midwest, and Jesus. Look forward to perusing the site!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 18, 2015 at 8:13 am - Reply

      Thanks Dawn! Feel free to email me if you’d like to chat or even meet up some time 😊

  2. Anonymous September 9, 2015 at 9:39 pm - Reply

    Great post! I am working on not letting the fear of losing win. Thanks for the reminder! God bless!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 9, 2015 at 10:44 pm - Reply

      I’m so glad it could be of help. If you’d like any specific prayers, feel free to shoot me an e-mail!

  3. Karen Del Tatto September 9, 2015 at 6:10 pm - Reply

    This post certainly touched an area of my life that I struggle with. I have had so many relationships just fall by the wayside because life got in the way. There wasn’t any strain in the relationship or any falling out, my friend’s lives seemed to change, but mine stayed the same. Our times together and contact with each other became less and less until we were virtually aquaintances. I don’t know why this happens, but I know I’m not the only one.

    Yet, it is hard not to put myself out there. The past year or so I have had the least amount of fellowship with close friends, and I certainly agree that we are made for fellowship.

    I am what I guess you would call an introverted extrovert! lol. With people I know I am comfortable, but with strangers, it is harder for me to just initiate getting together. So yes, I guess I do have a fear of losing.

    Thank you for your insight and inspiration. πŸ™‚

    • Megan Gonzalez September 9, 2015 at 10:50 pm - Reply

      You are certainly not the only one this has happened to Karen. It’s really hard when friends fade away. I know when friendships are just starting out and the ice is not completely broken, it can feel like too much work to bother. I’ve been there. So for a little while I started putting it in my schedule that every so many weeks I would call this person and every week I would call that person. Pre-scheduling it in my mind helped me because I knew what to expect and so it felt less exhausting.

  4. Rachael September 9, 2015 at 12:07 pm - Reply

    Love this as a reminder and encouragement. I appreciate that you walk into a situation knowing one of you will move and choose to engage with your whole heart. I’m in the “engage and deny it will change” stage.

  5. Melanie September 9, 2015 at 7:34 am - Reply

    I’m an introvert, married to an extrovert, with two extroverted children (one *extremely* so). I find it better for me to hang out with a small group of friends rather than having tons of friends.

    • Megan Gonzalez September 9, 2015 at 8:53 am - Reply

      For me it’s exactly the same. When it gets to be too many people, I can’t concentrate on one conversation because I hear them all. I end up being between the two (or however many groups) and not really in any of them. It’s very stressful and tiring! However, if the group is small and focuses on a single conversation, I’m golden πŸ™‚

  6. Allison September 8, 2015 at 10:47 pm - Reply

    I love this post! I’ve been suffering from tons of anxiety and fear in general. This is just what my soul needed

    • Megan Gonzalez September 9, 2015 at 12:14 am - Reply

      You’re always welcome to send me an e-mail. I know what it’s like to struggle with anxiety and fear, and I’ll be happy to help in any way I can.

  7. Caroline @ In Due Time September 8, 2015 at 8:37 pm - Reply

    So thankful that we are not meant to be alone – that the fight isn’t against each other! We are ALL a team!

  8. Krysten September 8, 2015 at 7:13 pm - Reply

    Man that would be so hard and kudos to you for not letting it hinder you! My husband and I want to move in a few years simply because we’re tired of where we live and want to go somewhere totally new. And I worry about not knowing anyone. It scares me!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 9, 2015 at 12:12 am - Reply

      It’s difficult at first, but it does get easier with time πŸ™‚

  9. Summer @ Coffee With Summer September 8, 2015 at 6:59 pm - Reply

    Totally needed to read this with the current life season I’m in. I’ve lost a really dear friend of mine because I was being stepped all over by her (for awhile) and I had enough guts to stand up to her. It sucks. So with already being an introvert, not having many friends in my area yet, and that it’s been hard for me to even want to make friends. It’s a tough situation. I’m also wrestling because I have friendships online or just friends who are far away that I have those 3 points with. It’s a tough topic.

    • Megan Gonzalez September 9, 2015 at 12:10 am - Reply

      I truly know where you’re coming from. I had to deal with that situation several years back. I had a friend who treated me like dirt and I let her for years because she was the closest thing I had and I didn’t know how to make others. I vividly remember our finally showdown, when she once again tried to blame her poor life choices on me and I said no more. It hurt. Deeply. And I was like you, I didn’t even want to try again. It was at least a year before I finally did. And I’m going to be honest, it was rocky at the start with a few misfires. But then I found some good friends, and eventually some great friends. I never would have found my friends and supporters if I hadn’t continually put myself out there. It’s hard as an introvert, but when you finally find the right people, you’ll find that their company is not draining, but it’s refreshing.

  10. Pamela September 8, 2015 at 5:38 pm - Reply

    Love the Gandhi quote. My friends are so important to me, too. Love their differences and the love they bring to my life. I’m happy you let the need of friendship win over fear!

  11. Kim September 8, 2015 at 4:49 pm - Reply

    Just because you move away from them doesn’t mean you are not friends any more…in this world of technology you can stay in touch and it will seem like they are right next door.

    • Megan Gonzalez September 9, 2015 at 12:01 am - Reply

      And while I know that’s true, I also know that people get busy and it’s much easier to forget a phone call than a lunch date!

  12. Chrissa - Physical Kitchness September 8, 2015 at 4:14 pm - Reply

    I love this post. Just left my mommy church group (MOPS) and I am reminded how much I need other inspirational, down-to-earth women (and moms) in my life!! This post is perfect for me today!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 9, 2015 at 12:00 am - Reply

      It is so true that we need other women in our lives, no matter how incredible our husbands are πŸ™‚ I hope that you can find another group!

  13. Jean September 8, 2015 at 3:57 pm - Reply

    Just think how many friends you will have all over the world in a few years! God knows there are people everywhere who need you in their lives. Enjoy your adventures.

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:59 pm - Reply

      My husband literally has friends all over the world. When we traveled to Europe a couple of years ago, we stayed on friends’ couches in almost every city we were in.

  14. Helen September 8, 2015 at 3:25 pm - Reply

    Such encouraging words…I have also always struggled with making new connections…we uprooted 5 years ago and I found the transition hard. Bless you!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:58 pm - Reply

      Transitions are always difficult. There’s this awkward period of not knowing anyone or how to get anywhere. It takes time and patience–of which I have very little–but it does get easier, as I’m sure you well know.

  15. Lauren English September 8, 2015 at 2:46 pm - Reply

    So so good, Megan! It’s so easy to let fear prevent us from taking steps to reach out to other people and put down roots too. I can’t imagine how hard that would be to know you’ll move every few years. That definitely adds a whole new dimension to the fear that you’ll invest and things won’t work out! I’m sure God will teach you all sorts of fun things about trust (even if it’s not so fun to learn them in the moment).

    I’m grateful for your sweet heart to encourage and your shoutout to my post here! Thanks for encouraging me! πŸ™‚

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:55 pm - Reply

      I love what you’re doing over at Sobremesa Stories! And there’s definitely a fear that I’ll invest and things won’t work out. I’ve decided even if things don’t work out in the long run, I am better off to have those connections for whatever time I can keep them.

  16. Nichole @CuppaGeek September 8, 2015 at 2:19 pm - Reply

    I felt this way after my divorce. Since I wouldn’t let on what happened because I didn’t want to discredit my ex husband or bad mouth him in front of our two kids, I walked away from everything I had. I couldn’t respect myself or allow myself to be around that behavior any longer and knew that I would be happier without all of that. Three years later- I’m about ready to get re-married, I’ve found myself again, and I’ve never been happier. I think you’ll learn that even tho you move around a bit more than others, you are meeting amazing people along your journey. Just hold on those people and enjoy yourself!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:53 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing Nicole. I’m sorry that you had to go through such a difficult time. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. That’s so exciting! I’m so glad you took the time to find yourself and find the courage to put yourself back out there.

  17. Marie with spreading-joy.org September 8, 2015 at 1:14 pm - Reply

    Our weakness is someone elses strength, so we fit. I love that about how God puts us together with friends, family and such.

    Focus on your Father not the fear.

  18. Marissa September 8, 2015 at 12:29 pm - Reply

    I can totally relate to your thoughts here, as an introvert, I totally get this. I am a loyal friend, but that means I want close friendships, not just passing surface-friends. It’s a tough lesson to learn that there are people that God puts into our lives only for a period of time. Yet they are necessary for our paths, and my fear was getting in the way often.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this!

    Marissa

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:50 pm - Reply

      I am the same. I want loyal, true friends. However, I forget that all friendships have to start at that surface level. And we have a lot of control about whether or not they deepen based on our level of sharing.

  19. Kelsie September 8, 2015 at 11:23 am - Reply

    Wow, what a great post! I agree, there are so many times that being too afraid of losing keeps me from even trying (poor competitive soul that I am). I needed this encouragement today. Love your blog!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:32 am - Reply

      Thank you so much Kelsie! I’m glad this blog could be what you needed. And I know exactly what you mean about being competitive πŸ˜‰

  20. Bethany September 8, 2015 at 10:30 am - Reply

    Being a introvert can be really tough sometimes! I personally belong to a family of them so I do think that it keeps us from connecting at the levels we need to sometimes. Although I do think this is getting resolved with time!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:31 am - Reply

      It’s wonderful to hear that your family is working on connecting at a deeper level. My family is my rock! And I hope you can find that too!

  21. Nicole September 8, 2015 at 10:29 am - Reply

    This article hit home for me! My husband and I are relatively introverted and we always want to move–we get itchy feet. The desire to move prevents us from really cultivating relationships, which didn’t seem like the biggest deal to us at first. Unfortunately, though, we see that it’s affecting our kids; my oldest is about to turn 7 so he’s at the age where he needs to start building quality friendships. We thought school would help, but public school hasn’t lived up to any of our standards, so now we’re looking at homeschooling. It’s a big challenge that God is laying at our feet, but we are determined to do what’s best in all aspects. So thanks for the reminder of the importance and value in putting forth the effort!

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:30 am - Reply

      I’m so glad this article was able to help πŸ˜€ Moving can definitely be hard on the kids–it was hard on me! But it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. I’ll pray that your kids can find those friendships and that you’ll know what to with homeschooling vs. public school. I know the place I’ve connected with some of my closest friends is at church. A lot of churches have incredible children’s programs… I don’t know if that will help, but it’s what popped into my head πŸ™‚

  22. Crystal @ Dreams, etc. September 8, 2015 at 10:29 am - Reply

    Great post! It’s true… we can’t let the fear of losing friends prevent us from seeking out good friendships. A friend and I actually had a conversation about this over the weekend. You always have this idea of a friend being someone who is just there throughout your life and sometimes that is the case. But sometimes, friends are there for a season of your life. Some seasons can be really long and some are on the shorter side, but you shouldn’t let that fear that one day the season of your friendship–or at least, your close friendship–prevent you from developing those relationships. πŸ™‚

    • Megan Gonzalez September 8, 2015 at 11:25 am - Reply

      That is so true Crystal! It’s great that you have those conversations with friends. Being open and honest allows you to become closer πŸ™‚

  23. Andi September 8, 2015 at 7:44 am - Reply

    As long as God is doing it with us πŸ˜€

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