Insecurities and How to Combat Them

Insecurities and how to combat themTo the world, I appear a confident woman. On occasion, I actually feel like one. Most of the time, that’s the last word I would use to describe myself. I succumb to my insecurities more often than I wish to admit. But I’m also finding ways to fight them.

Sometimes a confidence killer comes from other people. A thoughtless word, or maybe a pointed barb, bursts our fragile bubble of a confidence. It may be a “I’m not sure those jeans fit you anymore” or “I would never talk to my spouse/mother/child/coworker that way.” Or it could be a well-meaning question like “Have you sold your book yet?”

These questions and comments have a habit of shooting straight to our inadequacies and insecurities. They leave us with a gaping wound and and frequently some resentment towards the speaker.

But these little comments are nothing compared to what we say to ourselves.

My voice of doubt and insecurity tears at me every day:

  • “Your writing is not good enough. It will never sell.”
  • “Your business is not enough. You’re not pulling your weight when it comes to the finances at your house. You are wasted potential.”
  • “Those girls will never want to be friends with you. You don’t know the right things to say or wear. You’re too awkward and weird.”
  • “You don’t work out enough. You will put on weight and your husband will lose interest in you.”
  • “You shouldn’t be sitting there relaxing. You should be cooking/cleaning/writing/editing, doing something anything productive. If you’re not productive, you have no worth.”

I am insecureThese are all things I’ve said to myself at one point or another. Do they sound familiar?

Have you ever written them down? This is the first time I’ve done so, and I’ll tell you, it turned my stomach just to look at them. How could I say those things to myself? If I heard anyone talking to another person like that, I’d have half a mind to slap them. We would never talk to another person that way, so why do talk to ourselves that way?

We need to extend ourselves grace. Our worth does not lie in our jobs or our looks. We are not defined by our ability to make friends or to be the perfect wife or mother.

We are beautiful men and women, made in God’s own image. He didn’t mess up when he got to us. He made us exactly who and how we’re supposed to be.

I really encourage you to write out what you’ve been telling yourself. Once they’re on paper and not just a niggling doubt in the back of our minds, it’s easier to see them for what they are: lies.

I looked at my list, which it was so hard to share with you, and I realized a few things:

  • I am doing what I love. I can’t be wasting my potential, if I’m living the life I dreamed–even if it doesn’t pull in as much money as I hoped.
  • I have friends. I still may not always say and do the right things, but that doesn’t matter. True friends will love me for who I really am.
  • My husband loves me. Nothing will change that. He’d probably be mad at me for even questioning that.
  • Everyone deserves a rest. Though I don’t want to take that too far, into laziness, but I know myself enough to know that would never be an issue for long. I’d get too bored to fast.

Insecurities plague most of us on a daily basis. You may not be able to stop the thought from flitting through your head, but you can stop it from taking root. See those thoughts for the lies they are and let them go. Give yourself grace. And remember, God loves you just as you are.

What are some of the insecurities you face? How do you combat them? Would you like me to pray for you? Comment below or email me at megdgonzalez@icloud.com. Trust me, I know it can be hard to share, but I want to hear from you!

Megan Gonzalez

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By | 2016-04-07T01:24:03+00:00 April 7th, 2016|Encouragement, Faith|20 Comments

About the Author:

I'm a tea-sipping, adventure-seeking, pug-loving kind of girl. I'm crazy for God and want to share his love with awesome girls around the globe.

20 Comments

  1. Susannah April 17, 2016 at 1:11 am - Reply

    Thanks so much for speaking up about your insecurities! I think we all are like this at least sometimes so it’s good to know we’re not alone!

  2. Elena April 8, 2016 at 8:27 pm - Reply

    Great article! We all face insecurities in some shape or form. I personally have been dealing with insecurities about being a wife and whether I am a “good” wife. I have learned that whenever I allow my eyes to shift focus from God and on other things to give me a sense of worth or identity (being a wife, a nurse, a blogger, etc), I eventually become aware of my flaws, fear failure, and start to become insecure about my abilities and my identity. I lack grace for myself and as soon as I make a mistake, I say horrible things about myself. But when I look to the Father and see my identity in Him, I find my worth and security in Him and then those insecurities lose their hold on me. I become more OK with not having it all together.

    • Megan Gonzalez April 8, 2016 at 10:12 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing Elena! I have been right there with you. What a great reminder to look to God for worth and not within ourselves.

  3. Olivia April 8, 2016 at 11:16 am - Reply

    I’ve always loved the saying “tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” You are a rock star!

  4. Melissa April 8, 2016 at 10:16 am - Reply

    I love where you listed your realization. I did this excercise at a blog conference in February and it was startling to see it written down. They seemed so silly there on paper especially compared with how huge they loom in my mind. Thank you for sharing, great reminder!

  5. Latonya April 8, 2016 at 7:51 am - Reply

    I combat insecurities through prayer and changing my thoughs to tgings which are true.

  6. Jenny April 7, 2016 at 9:32 pm - Reply

    Awesome post! I definitely struggle with my own insecurities and sometimes its really difficult to push out of my head.

    xoxo, Jenny

  7. Rachel April 7, 2016 at 9:08 pm - Reply

    Insecurities are the worst 🙁 it’s wonderful to have such a great support system and going after the things you love though!

  8. Charlotte Klein April 7, 2016 at 5:05 pm - Reply

    Oh, yes. This. What an incredibly beautiful post, Megan. It’s an important reminder, but this part? Really punched me in the throat:

    “But these little comments are nothing compared to what we say to ourselves.”

    You’re absolutely right–we need to learn to be kinder to ourselves, always. Because you’re right–there will always be people offering (un)solicited advice and criticism; the least we can do is be gentler with our own hearts.

    XOXO

    • Megan Gonzalez April 7, 2016 at 7:36 pm - Reply

      That’s so true Charlotte! I am my own worse critic. But I better than anyone should know the truth about myself. It’s so easily lost in the hazy of self-doubt. So I’m making a concerted effort stem the tide of my thoughts and turn them towards more positive things.

  9. Emily Conrad April 7, 2016 at 11:59 am - Reply

    Great post, Megan! I can definitely relate. Thanks for sharing your heart 🙂

    • Megan Gonzalez April 7, 2016 at 7:34 pm - Reply

      Thank you Emily! It was really difficult, but I’m so glad I did. If my post can help even one woman, it’s totally worth it 🙂

  10. Farin Vazquez April 7, 2016 at 11:59 am - Reply

    What a wonderful reminder, something that I need pretty much daily!

    • Megan Gonzalez April 7, 2016 at 7:32 pm - Reply

      Thanks Farin! I know it’s something I’m going to have to keep coming back to. But when I finally confronted these feelings and called them out for the lies they were, I felt so much better!

  11. Samantha April 7, 2016 at 11:54 am - Reply

    Wow! If I wrote a list of things I said to myself, I think they would say the exact same thing. It will be interesting to see though, so I think I’ll try that. Thank you for your honesty, it was very inspiring to read this!

    • Megan Gonzalez April 7, 2016 at 7:31 pm - Reply

      It was really an eye-opening exercise for me. I hope you confront those lies just like I did and find some confidence and peace in the amazing things you’re doing.

  12. Traci@tracesoffaith April 7, 2016 at 10:36 am - Reply

    Megan, We must be twins 🙂 I’ve said all of these things. And on the good days, I’ve said the list of positives as well. A very relatable post. Thanks for the reminder!

    • Megan Gonzalez April 7, 2016 at 10:45 am - Reply

      Thank you for sharing Traci! I knew I couldn’t be the only one. Making a list of the positives is a great idea! I’ll have to give that a try too.

  13. Sabrina April 7, 2016 at 9:35 am - Reply

    Megan
    I love that you are genuine. That you are willing to be so brutally honest with yourself and others. That makes your writing great to me. Thank you for sharing.

    • Megan Gonzalez April 7, 2016 at 9:57 am - Reply

      Thanks Sabrina! It was really difficult, but I know a lot of people struggle with this too. So I felt like I couldn’t keep it in.

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