To the world, I appear a confident woman. On occasion, I actually feel like one. Most of the time, that’s the last word I would use to describe myself. I succumb to my insecurities more often than I wish to admit. But I’m also finding ways to fight them.
Sometimes a confidence killer comes from other people. A thoughtless word, or maybe a pointed barb, bursts our fragile bubble of a confidence. It may be a “I’m not sure those jeans fit you anymore” or “I would never talk to my spouse/mother/child/coworker that way.” Or it could be a well-meaning question like “Have you sold your book yet?”
These questions and comments have a habit of shooting straight to our inadequacies and insecurities. They leave us with a gaping wound and and frequently some resentment towards the speaker.
But these little comments are nothing compared to what we say to ourselves.
My voice of doubt and insecurity tears at me every day:
- “Your writing is not good enough. It will never sell.”
- “Your business is not enough. You’re not pulling your weight when it comes to the finances at your house. You are wasted potential.”
- “Those girls will never want to be friends with you. You don’t know the right things to say or wear. You’re too awkward and weird.”
- “You don’t work out enough. You will put on weight and your husband will lose interest in you.”
- “You shouldn’t be sitting there relaxing. You should be cooking/cleaning/writing/editing, doing something anything productive. If you’re not productive, you have no worth.”
Have you ever written them down? This is the first time I’ve done so, and I’ll tell you, it turned my stomach just to look at them. How could I say those things to myself? If I heard anyone talking to another person like that, I’d have half a mind to slap them. We would never talk to another person that way, so why do talk to ourselves that way?
We need to extend ourselves grace. Our worth does not lie in our jobs or our looks. We are not defined by our ability to make friends or to be the perfect wife or mother.
We are beautiful men and women, made in God’s own image. He didn’t mess up when he got to us. He made us exactly who and how we’re supposed to be.
I really encourage you to write out what you’ve been telling yourself. Once they’re on paper and not just a niggling doubt in the back of our minds, it’s easier to see them for what they are: lies.
I looked at my list, which it was so hard to share with you, and I realized a few things:
- I am doing what I love. I can’t be wasting my potential, if I’m living the life I dreamed–even if it doesn’t pull in as much money as I hoped.
- I have friends. I still may not always say and do the right things, but that doesn’t matter. True friends will love me for who I really am.
- My husband loves me. Nothing will change that. He’d probably be mad at me for even questioning that.
- Everyone deserves a rest. Though I don’t want to take that too far, into laziness, but I know myself enough to know that would never be an issue for long. I’d get too bored to fast.
Insecurities plague most of us on a daily basis. You may not be able to stop the thought from flitting through your head, but you can stop it from taking root. See those thoughts for the lies they are and let them go. Give yourself grace. And remember, God loves you just as you are.
What are some of the insecurities you face? How do you combat them? Would you like me to pray for you? Comment below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Trust me, I know it can be hard to share, but I want to hear from you!