Modesty as an Attitude (and less of a skirt length)

balloons-388973_1280So as I researched other Christian girl blogs, I found that modesty was a topic almost all had talked about. Project Inspired’s What a Bikini Taught Me About Modesty and Set Apart Girl’s A Closet Without Conformity made some interesting points–some of which I agreed with, some of which I did not. Mostly, they got me thinking about the topic again.

For the past two years, I hadn’t given a thought to modesty. From the moment I said “I do,” I didn’t stop to consider the modesty question because I could wear whatever I wanted in front of my husband and I was no longer searching for the attention of other guys. From then on, it was simply, “Do I feel comfortable?” and “Does my husband like it?”

I stopped obsessing over skirt length and bikinis, because no one’s attention mattered except my husband’s. And then, bam! Those articles hit me like a ton of bricks and made me reexamine my actions and attitudes.

I found something interesting that I hadn’t thought of before. I began to think of modesty as an attitude and less of a skirt length. Much of my wardrobe is the same as before when I was married, but I’m no longer drawing stares because I’m not looking to. I’m not flaunting my curves and my dresses, I’m just quietly confident in my own skin and my husband’s admiration. My eyes are only for him and so is my outfit.

So if the same clothes are getting a different reaction, what does that tell me? What does that tell you?

(I want to make it clear that I am not saying that all types of clothing are fine as long as your attitude is right. I don’t think that. I think if you’re treating modesty as an attitude, there are clothes you won’t even consider.)

How you wear your clothes may be just as important as what clothes you wear.

What are your thoughts on modesty? Do you have any hard and fast rules about what types of clothing is or is not allowed? Do you think your attitude makes a difference?

I would love to know your thoughts… and I’m not just saying that! This topic has been weighing on my heart and mind recently, and I’m fascinated by others takes on this broad debate.

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By | 2015-09-08T09:47:49+00:00 August 26th, 2015|Health & Beauty|39 Comments

About the Author:

I'm a tea-sipping, adventure-seeking, pug-loving kind of girl. I'm crazy for God and want to share his love with awesome girls around the globe.

39 Comments

  1. Rene D September 4, 2015 at 1:18 pm - Reply

    What a great topic! In a world where sex sells and all the magazines and television commercials promote sexy! When I was younger I dressed in skimpy clothing but find as i get older that I am more modest because I see how dressing “sexy” sort of devalues women. I actually feel prettier when I wear classy rather than sexy (even though I “could” wear the sexy LOL) … But seriously, us older and wiser women should be uplifting the younger generation and teaching them their value is in their heart and soul, not in how much cleavage they show.

  2. Crystal September 1, 2015 at 10:52 pm - Reply

    I really like this way of thinking about the topic. I feel I’ve always been pretty modest in my dressing and in my attitude but never really gave it a second thought. Now that I have a daughter (who, might I add is only 4 and loves fashion already) I think about it all the time. I just want her to feel accepted and loved and know that clothes do not make her beautiful, that she doesn’t need to get anyone’s attention that way because the right ones will be automatically be drawn to her because of what’s in her heart.

    • Megan Gonzalez September 2, 2015 at 10:27 am - Reply

      Thinking about it more now that you have a daughter seems to be a common theme. And I love what you said about “she doesn’t need to get anyone’s attention that way because the right ones will be automatically be drawn to her because of what’s in her heart.” That is so true and such wise words.

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  6. Taylor August 28, 2015 at 10:51 am - Reply

    I try to stay away from tight pants/skirts/shirts that would draw unwanted attention to myself. If you don’t want people looking there, then don’t flaunt it!

  7. Penny Struebig August 28, 2015 at 10:12 am - Reply

    Wow — this has made me stop and think. I guess modesty has never really played a factor in my life because I’m just not comfortable showing a lot of skin.

  8. Lyn @ MidMichiganMom August 27, 2015 at 10:49 pm - Reply

    There is some truth in saying that modesty is more about the attitude than the skirt length. Even with a long skirt a lady can attract attention if she seeks it. My rule of modesty is based on my husband input as well as MY comfort. If I am wearing something that makes HIM uncomfortable…where wandering eyes would have something to see, then I change. When buying clothing, I also consider, “is this something I would want my daughter to wear?” If the answer is no, then I don’t buy it. Fashionable modest clothing can be hard to find sometimes but it CAN be done! Thank you for your input on a subject that we seem to overlook nowadays. Also, thanks for sharing it on our Welcome Home Wednesday link party! We hope to see more of you next week!

    • Megan Gonzalez August 27, 2015 at 11:45 pm - Reply

      Thanks for having me on the link party! I will definitely visit again 🙂

  9. Jessica August 27, 2015 at 8:18 pm - Reply

    My religion teaches me that my body is a Temple. In my house modesty is held high and I absolutely AGREE with you modesty has a whole lot to do with one’s attitude. One’s attitude says a lot about a person. Like you I wear clothes that are comfortable and that my husband likes and that I feel confident in…my attitude will show that. If I wear something revealing….in other wards, something I am uncomfortable in and I do not feel confident in it and constantly covering up….my attitude will show that. I also believe that what a person wears CAN send a message of what type of person they are, who they hang out with, and whether or not they are looking for attention>>>that too ties into ATTITUDE. I am not one to judge but that is what I think.

  10. Danie August 27, 2015 at 3:58 pm - Reply

    I think it’s interesting also, because we rarely address why modesty creates such pressure for women and almost zero pressure on guys. I don’t remember the last time (if ever) that I’ve heard the issue addressed for men… but I can name about 50 for women in the last year… even in the media. It seems strange to me that women are responsible for the way a man looks at us, and not the man who is looking at us in any particular way. It seems that the guidelines for what is considered modest change drastically in each geographical location… showing an ankle may be a cardinal sin in some areas, and in others, it is perfectly normal to walk around topless and no one thinks twice about it. I think it’s something worth considering….

    • Megan Gonzalez August 27, 2015 at 11:44 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for pointing out this other side of the argument! It’s one that I have noticed and thought about a lot too. I do not think that women are responsible for the way men look at us. I think men are responsible for the way the look at us, and honestly I would love to have that conversation with them. But as this is a blog for young women, that’s who I geared the discussion towards. We should be dressing modestly and with a modest attitude for ourselves. I think we should place a high value our own bodies by not drawing cheap attention to them. That cheap attention is a whole other discuss for a whole other crowd, point me in the right direction and I will be more than happy to have it 🙂

  11. Madelaine August 27, 2015 at 3:49 pm - Reply

    Huh, I really had to stop and think about modesty. I would say that I am not the most modest person in the world. But now that I’m 41 I find that I make more of a conscious effort to what I put on. I still wear the same as I did in my 30’s but something a little bit more age appropriate. I think what you said about not seeking attention from others is what really matters. The truth is at my age, my husband and I are very comfortable with each other. Fashion is just fashion. Sometimes it’s modest and sometimes it’s borderline.

  12. Shelly August 26, 2015 at 11:41 pm - Reply

    Hmmm…good stuff to chew on.

    This made me think of something somewhat related. When I was a young, working woman between 17-19 years old, I was reproached on more than one occasion by my co-worker (a woman) for how I dressed. I distinctly remember what I was wearing one of the times. It was a pencil skirt (knee-length), A TURTLENECK (!), pantyhose and kitten heels. She explained that my body was suggestive and I should do more to make it less noticeable. I used to get my feelings hurt about it until I realized this lady just enjoyed meddling in others’ business.

    • Shelly August 26, 2015 at 11:56 pm - Reply

      I had much more to say, but my son woke up. I’ll come
      back and elaborate in the morning 😉

  13. Autumn August 26, 2015 at 11:23 pm - Reply

    I’ve never been a fan of a lot of skin on myself, but it is a personal preference. My religious views came later on the topic and they really aligned with what I already had developed as preference. That being said, I don’t judge others for what they wear and I know that people have such varying reasons for dressing the way they do.

  14. Mary Collins August 26, 2015 at 5:30 pm - Reply

    I think girls/women should consider the kind of attention they are receiving when they dress seductively, particularly, if you are Christian. We are to walk this earth as a representative of Christ. If we dress with everything revealed, people will have trouble seeing Christ in us. Not that women have to be completely covered because that is not what I advocate either but I think that all of us can reach a happy medium.

    • Megan Gonzalez August 27, 2015 at 11:35 pm - Reply

      That happy medium is a tricky spot to find, but definitely one worth finding!

  15. Erica August 26, 2015 at 4:06 pm - Reply

    I definitely think how you carry yourself is important. It changes the entire look.

  16. Jelli August 26, 2015 at 3:02 pm - Reply

    My husband is my modesty detector. He often lets me know when he thinks a certain top shows too much or if my skirt needs leggings underneath. The attitude with which you wear clothes is definitely something to consider, but also revealing too much despite the attitude (especially those who are naive to how men think) isn’t helpful either.

    • Megan Gonzalez August 27, 2015 at 11:34 pm - Reply

      I absolutely agree that we should not be revealing too much! That is not the kind of attention that married or unmarried women should be attracting.

  17. Melanie August 26, 2015 at 2:35 pm - Reply

    I love the idea of modesty as an attitude. For me, I also started to think about it when I got married, and even more now that I have daughters. How I dress as well as how I carry myself is going to have an effect on them.

  18. Marissa August 26, 2015 at 1:54 pm - Reply

    Megan, I totally agree. When we are so obsessed with making sure the collar line and skirt length are the right ones, we miss the heart attitude that is first needed in all actions we have. Thank you for sharing this!

    Marissa

    • Megan Gonzalez August 26, 2015 at 2:06 pm - Reply

      Thank you Marissa! In all of these different discussions I’d heard, it felt like the debate was more about the number of inches from the knee than the heart behind it.

  19. Yaya August 26, 2015 at 12:43 pm - Reply

    I don’t really have any hard fast rules about modesty, but I always say “If you have to question whether or not something is modest, then it probably isn’t.”

    http://www.randomlyyaya.com

    • Megan Gonzalez August 26, 2015 at 2:03 pm - Reply

      That is a really good rule of thumb! I’ll have to remember that in future 😀

  20. andi August 26, 2015 at 12:06 pm - Reply

    learning that – and how to keep away from the culture that wants to ruin our modesty

  21. Lindsay August 26, 2015 at 11:56 am - Reply

    I think the older I get the more modest I get, as well as finding what looks/fits better on my body. When I was younger I would wear whatever and not really care, now I know what flatters me so I stick with that. I’ve always been really classic/preppy, so modesty is pretty much built in.

    • Megan Gonzalez August 26, 2015 at 2:02 pm - Reply

      I know in high school I really struggled because the current fashions did not fit my body type. Seventeen Magazine’s styles were all for a straight up and down body type and I was an hourglass. I wanted to dress in style, but the clothes either looked bad or inappropriate, leaving me crying in the dressing room. When I stopped trying to dress to the magazine’s tastes and started dressing for my body, the crying stopped and I looked and felt so much better! Knowing your body type and your own style is very important when trying to dress confidently and modestly.

  22. Trisha August 26, 2015 at 11:29 am - Reply

    This is a great discussion post. I feel like some women do dress inappropriately but at the same time not exactly the clothes themselves that make them inappropriate. You’re 100% correct in the belief that most of the time it’s the woman behind the dress that does. They don’t call some outfits “power suites” for a reason do they?

    • Megan Gonzalez August 26, 2015 at 1:58 pm - Reply

      It’s really fascinating when you start to look closely, isn’t it? While yes, there are some clothing choices that are inappropriate–I’m having vivid flashbacks to Fourth of July–it’s often not as much about the clothes.

  23. Sara Strand August 26, 2015 at 11:12 am - Reply

    I was never that girl who dressed to impressed. I have always been about comfort. I do think though, as a mother with three kids, two of which are girls, I have to lead by example. It hits hard when my daughter asks why I wear makeup. I don’t want to say “because I look pretty” because what does that tell her, that pretty is important? It’s more important than other things? I feel far more pressure about what image I portray now as a mother than I ever did as a single woman or even a newlywed.

    • Megan Gonzalez August 26, 2015 at 1:55 pm - Reply

      That’s such an interesting point! I imagine it must be hard. And I don’t know how I’d answer that question either. The truth (for me): to hide my flaws and because that’s what women do. But I’m not sure that’s what I’d want to tell my daughter either.

  24. Marie with spreading-joy.org August 26, 2015 at 10:01 am - Reply

    We need to be aware. I prefer v necks and have the same issue so I have to be very careful as well. Many just don’t care and frankly that bugs

  25. Krysten August 26, 2015 at 9:21 am - Reply

    As a girl with some serious curves I work pretty hard to stay modest, simply because my curves are much easier to show off. For instance if I wear a v-neck shirt it looks a lot different on me than a woman with a smaller chest. I’m not a huge fan of showing off simply because it’s not my style so I try to do what is right for ME.

    • Megan Gonzalez August 26, 2015 at 9:42 am - Reply

      Thanks Krysten! I can have trouble with those V-necks too. Dressing for your body type goes a long way.

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