Siblings Should Be Friends for Life

Siblings Should Be Friends for Life - The Busy LifeThis weekend, I’m staying with my sister at Johnson University. We’ve got a lot of fun things planned and I’ve really been looking forward to it. If you’d have told us four years ago that we’d be looking forward to spending five days together on our own, we’d have laughed. Hard.

Finding friendship with my sister has been a strange, but worthwhile journey because sibling should be friends for life. There were times in our relationship that I thought we’d never get to this point. There were times in our relationship that I didn’t want to get to this point. But we never gave up, and I couldn’t be happier with the relationship we’ve found.

Siblings Should Be Friends for Life - The Busy Life

Morgan said, “Growing up as sisters was rough because we have two completely different personalities. And when we were younger we didn’t know how to handle the differences in those personalities.”

I was the quiet bookworm. I got good grades, had few friends, and was always escaping to the stage either with drama, show choir, choir, or band.

Morgan: “I was preppy, popular, outgoing, materialistic. I behaved terribly. I wanted to always be doing something. I was in cheerleading, I worked, I was in choir, and I always hung out with friends and the guy I was dating.”

Siblings Should Be Friends for Life - The Busy Life

Our clashes were epic–lasting for days, yelling across the living room, sometime wrestling on the floor, often ending in us being grounded. We didn’t understand each other. And most of the time, we didn’t like each other.

Our arguments would begin over stupid things like who got the remote and whose turn it was to empty the dishwasher. Hurtful things would be said, attacking things. Our fights would expand so far beyond a few petty details. And over time, these fights shattered our relationship.

Siblings Should Be Friends for Life - The Busy Life

In hindsight, I can see that our fights and harsh words so often stemmed from our own insecurities and pain. But back then I was too wrapped up in my own problems to see that she had any.

To me, she had it all. She was the golden girl. She had the perfect body and that perfect high school beauty. She was bubbly and flirty. All the boys flocked to her. She was the cheerleading captain and hung with the popular crowd.

I didn’t see that her popularity came with a price. So often the spotlight was little more than a target for vicious gossip and horrible rumors.

“To me, Megan was the ridiculously smart sister who I could never live up to. She was the angel child.”

She didn’t see that boys would push me and whisper that I wasn’t good enough to sit with my class. That girls would comment on my clothes and tell me that my make-up looked like that of a clown’s.

Instead, we lashed out at each other, adding more pain to an already difficult time.

Siblings Should Be Friends for Life - The Busy Life

It wasn’t until we moved out of our parents’ house and got away from those petty grievances that we actually started to talk about things other than who got the remote. We started to see each other as people, rather than the enemy.

Realizing her actions and reactions were not not always about me, and visa versa, went a long way in helping us extend a little more grace. And as we kept doling out more and more grace, we grew closer and eventually became friends.

Siblings Should Be Friends for Life - The Busy Life

A lot of this wouldn’t have been possible without our mom who told us, “Sisters are friends for life. Family is not an option.” She pushed us to keep talking and keep talking until we found that friendship.

Today I’m going to push you to do the same. I had to put away my pride and sense of entitlement–“I deserve an apology for what she did”–to reach out to her. I had to admit there were things that I’d done wrong without expecting her to do the same. I had to set aside my past anger and frustration until our relationship was finally strong enough to talk about those things.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t still bicker and get mad at each other today. But we’ve vowed to never let those fights come between us. We are friends, but more than that, we are family. And families must be there for each other. Always.


Siblings Should Be Friends for Life - The Busy LifeHave you been hurt by a family member? Or have you maybe hurt them? Is there someone you need to reach out to today? How can you make baby steps toward having a friendship with your adult sibling? If you would like prayer on this subject or on any other, please reach out to me. 

Megan Gonzalez

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By | 2015-10-03T01:04:03+00:00 October 2nd, 2015|Relationships|15 Comments

About the Author:

I'm a tea-sipping, adventure-seeking, pug-loving kind of girl. I'm crazy for God and want to share his love with awesome girls around the globe.


  1. Rachel G October 6, 2015 at 11:54 pm - Reply

    I’m so glad that you guys have reached a healthy relationship today! My Mom has always argued that siblings are your first friends and the only ones you really get to grow up with, no matter how often you move, so we ought to treasure those relationships. Among the 7 of us, there’s certainly some that get along better with each other than others, and there’s a lot of big personalities, but we are definitely all one team–we don’t let anybody mess with one of our siblings! And I love that.

    • Megan Gonzalez October 7, 2015 at 10:29 am - Reply

      That’s awesome Rachel! And wow! Seven kids! It’s so great that you guys are a team. From my experience and all the comments I’ve received, it seems like the one of the deciding factors in siblings’ relationships is the mom. If she keeps telling the kids that, eventually it sticks. That’s definitely going to be something I remember when I have a couple rascals of my own 😉

  2. Laura October 5, 2015 at 8:41 am - Reply

    I love this.

    My mom always used to say to me that your siblings are the only people in this world who are 100% a part of you. More than your parents, friends, children. Your siblings were with you while you became the person you are, and they will be with you dealing with things compassionately for life, and understand you in ways that your parents, friends, children never will.

    She was right. My brother and sister know me better than anyone. We used to fight like cats and dogs but we’ve developed a fabulous friendship and would do anything for each other.

    great post 🙂

    • Megan Gonzalez October 5, 2015 at 9:19 am - Reply

      That so wonderful to hear Laura! Your mom sounds like a very wise woman. It’s that consistent encouragement that made such a huge difference in my sister and I’s relationship too. It’s so awesome that you’ve found such a fabulous friendship with them 🙂

  3. Mash October 3, 2015 at 1:06 pm - Reply

    Couldn’t agree anymore! My sisters are my best friends and I love that they are my trustiest friend!


  4. Kristy K. James October 3, 2015 at 1:25 am - Reply

    My siblings and I are kind of close – but kind of not. We all live within about half an hour of one another but it can be weeks (as in a couple of months worth) between visits. The three of them have a little more contact, but I chose the Christian lifestyle when I was about eighteen so our belief systems are a lot different. They enjoy things I don’t do so… But when we have family get-togethers, we have a great time and we all know we can depend on one another if something comes up.

    As for hurting each other? Yup. Our mom had four kids in slightly under four years. We fought, we argued, and we always made up. There have been times as adults, like when our dad was dying, that I wound up taking the brunt of their fear and anger, but much as it hurt, I knew they need someone to vent at. I assume they felt safe letting it be me because I don’t hold grudges (unless someone says something mean about my kids and then I have to work a little harder at forgiveness, lol).

    I think as we get older and things like golf, softball, hunting, and parties become less important, there will be more time to spend together. At least I hope so. 😀

    • Megan Gonzalez October 3, 2015 at 10:57 am - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing Kristy! It’s great to hear that you’ve gotten over the bickering long ago and it’s wonderful that you don’t hold grudges—that’s something that I’m still working on. It’s easy to let the time pass without seeing each other. That happens a lot with my grandparents when we lived about the same distance away. I hope too that over time those little things will become less important and that you will all be able to find more time to spend together. I’ll be praying for you! Thank you again for opening up 😀 It shows great strength.

  5. Chris Carter October 2, 2015 at 10:43 pm - Reply

    Oh what a testimony to pushing through hard talks and difficult seasons to find the truth and nourish the love that lies beneath all the banter and conflicts that transpired along the way!

    This is just s beautiful. Your honesty is so wonderful to read and witness, as so many of us (Including ME) have all kinds of tension and strains with loved ones, and your story encourages me to dig deep and find grace and truth in our relationships that surely struggle to do just that.

    Thank you for sharing such a history that reveals an incredible journey between two siblings. This was a blessing to read!

  6. Erin @ Very Erin October 2, 2015 at 2:33 pm - Reply

    Aww, I love this! My brother is absolutely one of my best friends. We’re only a year apart, so by high school we had classes together. We fought tons as kids, but were friends by high school 🙂 I think it was easier for us because he’s a boy, so he’s so laid back!

  7. Alyssa October 2, 2015 at 10:37 am - Reply

    I love this post so much. I have two girls, 18 months apart, and while they are super close buddies right now, I often wonder what the future holds. As they’re getting older and their personalities are becoming clearer, I see them almost exactly how you described you and your sister. One is definitely quieter, more interested in school, art, drawing, and theater. And the other wants to be around friends all day long, and is much more interested in socializing than school work. They are such good little friends though, and I pray all the time that they’ll continue to be. But it’s nice to know that even if they hit rocky times in the future they will hopefully find their way back to each other when they’re older.

  8. Danielle October 2, 2015 at 10:05 am - Reply

    This is such a touching post. I’m an only child, but I’m a mom to a boy and a girl, and I hope they can be best friends for life. So far so good even though they’re toddlers right now lol. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  9. brianna October 2, 2015 at 9:27 am - Reply

    This hits my heart. My brother and I were very close all while growing up and through college…but after I became a Believer and left our family’s Catholic faith things started to break. We went down completely different paths. Me poor, non materialistic, advocate and compassionate… Him rich, a bit greedy, very materialistic and quite selfish. It pains me to admit that…but it’s true. I pray daily for the reunification of our friendship. God bless your relationship with your sister. 🙂

    • Megan Gonzalez October 2, 2015 at 9:33 am - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing Brianna. I’ll be praying for you and your brother that you can keep reaching out to each other until you finally start to connect. You’ll never be the same person and you may even maintain different values, but I’ll pray you can understand the other at where you’re each at.

  10. Alexandra @ My Urban Family October 2, 2015 at 9:15 am - Reply

    I’m glad to hear that you and your sister were able to become friends. It’s so much harder when you’re young! My brother and I are 7 years apart. He is one of my best friends now, and him and my husband are super close, but when we were young we were always mad at each other. But adulthood is long; it’s nice to have them as a friend now 🙂

    • Megan Gonzalez October 2, 2015 at 9:35 am - Reply

      That’s wonderful Alexandra! I’m so glad to hear you and your brother are such close friends. You’re right, it is harder when you’re younger because you’re living in the same house, you’re often competing for things from the remote to the best grades to the most popular. When you get older, that competition aspect falls away and you can just be happy for their triumphs. And it is such a good things that adulthood is longer than childhood 😉

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